I Hope She Notices Me
by peetasunset
Summary: The reeping day is on and Prim has been picked up but Katniss volunteers for her. Now the question is, who will be the male tribute this year?


The sun dries the square, razing the ultimate drop of water left. My hands and forehead covered in sweat aren't helping me to focus on what is around, I should be but I'm not. Heat isn't the only reason of me sweating but nervousness. I have been frightened for today to happen since I was twelve and here I am, forced to presence the beginning of what might be my death, forced to presence the Reaping. What a name, right? As if we were mere food cultivated on grass, expecting a peasant to come and rip us off the field, waiting to be eaten. Not an opposite reality from ours, unfortunately.

I don't mind if my name is called out, my life isn't worth to live after all. Although I have never experienced hunger –and it was very normal in my district-, fear has been my deepest friend whenever I had to go back home. Yells had been filling the house since I can remember. Yells and knocks, a perfect harmony brought by my mother. The lack of sympathy and comprehension for her children were due to psychological disorders. It is something she can't control –and it's completely understandable- but instead of bearing with it alone, she made my brothers and I pay for her misfortune. Moreover, we have been working in the family's bakery every single day of the week -even weekends- and for every error we would have made, there was a severe punishment. Just for the simplest one, she would beat us and still be proud of it. Proud of thinking it is the best way to educate and relieve herself over her children as if we were her toys which she would treat however she wanted. I never understood why my father chose her over being single. He fell in love before, with another woman –a nurse- who occurred to be the love of his life. However, she ran after another man's arms –miner's arms- and my dad decided to not fight for her anymore. He lied to his own happiness! I feel bad for him, he's a humble good-hearted sensitive compassionate man who didn't deserve to end up the way he did. He explained his decision by claiming what people use to say 'You never get what you want'. Despite of everything, if it wasn't because of my mum I wouldn't be here today so I cannot protest.

'Katniss is right there with her sister' says one of my brothers –Pierce- bringing me back from the sad world of memories. 'I keep saying you should tell her. This might be the last time and you know it' I nod slowly, memorizing those _this might be the last time and you know it_ words which finally came out from someone else's mouth and not mine. This sentence kept drilling my mind for years and its intensity improved dramatically at this very moment.

Katniss. Katniss Everdeen. My Katniss Everdeen. The light of my miserable life. She could mouth a simple 'Hi' and I'd be kissing her feet until my lips broke. And even so, I would continue. I can't really remember how it started but by the time I fell in love with her –and that was when we were in kinder garden- I couldn't think of anyone else but her. I sigh. It was all much simpler back then, when she would have had two braids and sang the valley song in class. Her voice always quieted the room and her beauty is a plus. The problem is she doesn't know I'm alive and even if she had, she wouldn't love me. Besides, Gale –her mysterious friend- has significant leverage. He's the only boy I've seen she has ever talked to and it's really frustrating that the only gossip in school has been about Katniss marrying him.

'Yes, Peeta. If I were you, she would have been eating from my hand for a long time. Tell her how much you love her otherwise those stalking evenings will be in vain' sarcastic as always. This is Lon, the older of us three and who suffered the most because he lived longer next to mum. 'Time runs out' he pointed out along with a brief shrug.

I turn my head to her position and my heart feels an abrupt stop. She's clad with a smooth, long, short-sleeved blue dress and her hair was curled in braids all above her head. I gulp. She looks stunning. Wait. What was I thinking? This is the reaping and I might be chosen, I shouldn't be thinking about how gorgeous she shines. It isn't the right time or place. Nevertheless, I'm not able to resist, she looks like an angel who came to me to might say the last goodbye. The last bittersweet goodbye.

'No, not today.' I conclude downhearted. I was right. Even though it killed me, she has to take care of her sister, Prim, because this is the first time her name is in the reaping bowl and I assume how terrified she must be right now. 'Besides, she's already accompanied'

Gale appeared out of nowhere, got closer to Katniss and them three reached for the blood-registration table. I roll my eyes thinking about them being parents and then follow the trail with my brothers.

I find myself in the middle of a bunch of boys whom are easy to smell their obvious fear. Hoping not to be the district-twelve tribute, hoping to go back home the same way as they came here. I however, hope to be named for a second. Maybe, at last, Katniss would recognize me. Maybe she would come to me and thank me for the bread which I once gave her when she most needed it. It was our only interaction and the best day of my life. I'd be an idiot if I didn't remember the way she was staring at me: lost, hopeless, starved, given up… I will never forget either how stupid I was for not going after her and personally offer her the loaf of bread. Or to comfort her from the cold and chilly rain. Or to hide her in the bakery until the water stopped to pour but my mum was inside and she has been very strict to her rules about letting starved people enter the bakery.

Effie Trinket, a pink extravagant capitol citizen, makes her typical introduction about the history of The Hunger Games as I drag myself into a mix of thoughts which frightened me even more. 'Happy Hunger Games! And may the odds be ever in your favor!' Effie's voice was so high-pitched and fake that made her look even more ridiculous than her pink wig or her clothing. She's now talking about how important is it to be a part of this annual event while I steal a glance at Katniss who isn't looking at me, or forwards or to her sister but Gale. Should I be jealous at this point? I don't know if I want to answer that. 'As usual, ladies first'

My heart jumped as if she was calling my name out but it was worse, she was about to pick up a paper of the reaping bowl, a paper in which may be written _Katniss Everdeen_on it. 'Not her, not her, not her' I thought instantly. Effie has got the paper in her hand by the time my eyes stare at her. My palms are sweating a ton and I think my heart died for a minute when Effie Trinket said out lout the name on the paper whose owner was_Primrose Everdeen._

I gasp and, instinctively, roll my eyes towards Katniss, hopeless of her being out of the games. She is obviously going to volunteer for her sister and I will never have the chance to see her again. Never. _This is the last time and you know it_pops in my head, destroying the last thought of me being happy. Maybe I would follow the same path as my father did or maybe, just maybe I would… But it was all nonsense now and I had to face the truth which was worse than the image of Gale and Katniss being married or them being parents. Or at this point, it was worse than any image I would have pictured. I lost her. I lost my Katniss Everdeen. Forever.

'Prim! Prim!' Katniss screamed in order to safe her sister from the death. 'I volunteer!' her drowned voice was killing me deeply. 'I volunteer as tribute!'

Gale approached Prim back to her mum at the parents' area while Katniss goes up with Effie next to the microphone.

'I bet my hat it was your sister, wasn't it?' Effie asked pulling the microphone in her mouth, harmless.

I look at Katniss in pain, maybe expecting she reflects the same feeling up there but I see no expression. Not even a spark of despair. Nothing.

'Yes' she answered deadly.

Then Effie asked for her name and Katniss replied in the same tone. Maybe she thinks she has no opportunities but she does. I have seen her run and she's very athletic.

'Let's give a big round of applause for our first years' volunteer, Katniss Everdeen.' Effie continued with her hands up ready to clap them but she never got to make it. Nobody moves a muscle and I know what this means. They respect her unfortunate choice. What I see now is not a collective whisper but a goodbye still. The three-fingered salute. Something not very usual here, only used for funerals but with a strong meaning behind it: admiration, gratitude and goodbye to someone you love. Everyone in the square shares the same salute who has been started by an only individual person: me. 'And now, the boys' Effie tries to continue her show as we all fade our goodbye.

I'm not able to feel my limbs anymore and what is more, I think I might gag. Something inside tells me I will be shouted out, that I will have to kill Katniss if we are the only ones left in the arena. However, I'm not going to let it happen. If I'm the other tribute I will try as hard as I'm capable of to protect her and turn her into a victor. She deserves to live more than me, she deserves more than this.

'Gale Hawthorne!' Effie screamed excited as if she knew it was going to happen. My heart is paralyzed. Maybe I'm relieved of not being forced to kill the love of my life but it is up to him and he seems big and strong. Would he kill her? I can't let it happen. 'Well, are you going to come up with us, dear?'

Gale walks towards Katniss with his head down, staring at the floor. I take an appreciation of her expression which although is clearly trying not to be caught, it is. She frowns in confusion –I assume- and opens her mouth in shock. I don't have any idea of what may take place in her head but it's definitely no good. And suddenly, Katniss blurts out in tears. _This is the last time and you know it. This is the last time and you know it. This is the…_

'I volunteer!' I scream in despair. 'I volunteer as tribute!'

Everyone is looking at me really confused but I grasp the last inch of cowardice and leave all my previous life behind my back to be a part of my future, to be a part of my sweet and hopefully imminent death. However, Gale grabs my arm and looks at me angry before I continue my path.

'No. I'm not letting you do that.' He adds furious. 'Go back there, I got this' I get rid of his hand and continue moving forward. 'I said no. Why are you doing this? Why are you- Get off of me!' Two peacekeepers are over him before he would continue telling me nonsense. 'Why?! Why?!' Gale asks finally in the distance. _Because this is the last time and I know it_.

I feel how my world is falling apart. The injustice of The Hunger Games has sense now. It is made to scare us, to be a piece in a game which never stops. A game that is played to maintain the order and to control all the pieces involved. I was about to be one of them but it I'm not anymore. Not the way they wanted it to be, I'm not going to kill Katniss although that's what they want. President Snow thinks he has won, well he has not because I'm going to let him show I'm not his property and he doesn't choose for me, I do it myself. He's not going to change me.

My feet get closer to the microphone which is an inch and a half next to Katniss. She, however, doesn't even peer me but I'm concerned she's glad Gale isn't in my place.

'Happy Hunger Games! And… May the odds be ever in your favor!' Effie concludes the reaping and leads us both –Katniss and I- into the justice building.

Before we go to separated rooms, Katniss stops me and her grey eyes meet mine very intensely and closely. 'Thank you' she whispers relieved and I think for the last time_this is the last time but she doesn't know it._


End file.
